What one does is what counts and not what one has the intention of doing. — Pablo Picasso
I spent a great deal of time making plans yesterday. After my morning pep talk, I was all fired up about #powerrehab, doing work with my body, sweat bands and whatnot, so naturally I sat down at a table with some notebooks. I spent several hours distracting my children while drawing up half a dozen graphical illustrations of how the next eight weeks of life would support my physical hopes and dreams of being pain free and avoiding assimilation by the Borg.
It was a bright, beautiful spring day and in the amount of time I spent agonizing over how I was going to fit 56 days into the 48 pages of a very particular Field Notes notebook and whether or not it was necessary for me to track down another set of the Texas County Fair editions, and did those take fountain pen ink, or should I order a $25, 4cm stamp in the shape of a human body from Japan, or maybe just hand carve my own, and what’s involved in that, I could’ve walked to Waco and back.
There is nothing wrong with planning. Planning is huge part of what has made me successful at maintaining a 100+ pound weight loss for over a decade and kept me relatively sane without psychiatric medication for 8 years. But sometimes I get so caught up in what it looks like on paper, that I miss the point completely.
On Monday, March 30, I am taking myself to #powerrehab. I’ve built my plan, I’ve mapped it out, I’ve chosen my training log, I’ve tried on my spandex and they still fit because they’re spandex and that’s what they do. I made my plan thinking I was going to get my back healed, I was going to fight another surgery, rebuild my core, and be superhuman again. But as I ran my hands over all the charts and graphs last night before bed, what I saw was a map for my mind.
To take the brisk walks without toddlers to chase, to focus for ten minutes without a four year old asking seventeen questions and smearing paint on at least four surfaces, without a seven year old asking me how to spell “catastrophe”, I need a very structured schedule, I need protected quiet, I need space. These are things that rehabilitate more than a bad back. These are the things that heal a scrambled brain.
So it turns out that #powerrehab is about more than all the discs in my back trying to escape, or the scar tissue on my nerve. It’s about healing all my wounded body parts, from my bipolar, migraine riddled brain, all the way down the to the numb toes on my right foot.
I will be documenting my progress here and on Instagram (@mosesface), but I haven’t decided what that looks like yet. It may or may not be every day, it may or may not involve japanese stamps and fountain pen friendly notebooks. You are welcome to follow along and be very impressed.